Dear Kirby,
You’ve had such a good run on Nintendo consoles and portables. With every iteration you seem to try something wacky and new. You’re Nintendo’s internal sandbox game, where wild ideas are turned into full experiences.
Your latest game, Mass Attack for the DS, fits right in with that design philosophy, and gives me guilty pleasures I haven’t seen in a Nintendo game in ages.
You know, I’d always considered you kind of a runt. Your tiny size, your pink skin… your food addiction is legendary. Yet, if there’s one thing you always manage to do is surprise me. I want to thank you for Epic Yarn because even though it was waaay too easy, I still enjoyed it.
It’s not much different this time around – in fact, you’re even more pink, if that’s possible. But when I heard that you were split into ten parts I had to take a look for myself. Holy crap, bro! There’s TEN of you! Ten little pink blobs on the screen, all fighting at once wherever I tapped! When an unsuspecting orange… thing… would show up on screen, furiously tapping on it sent you and your 9 other selves into a wild orgy of furious hate!
I never knew you had it in you, Kirbs! I mean, that shit is vicious! It’s like watching a pack of piranhas attack Wil E. Coyote in a cartoon. I thought the only thing missing was blood, but I could see it in your eyes. You’ve become filled with hate, with rage. You’ve been kept locked in Happy Land’s basement, and now you’re ready to go postal.
But, dammit, I love this new you, even if you’re not the prettiest kid on the block. I know I shouldn’t be condoning your sadistic behavior, but I’m glad to see this more aggressive side of you.
Keep it real, dude, and I’ll see you in October.
Your pal,
Dali.
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