Modern video games can produce some of the grandest vistas, most heart-pounding set-pieces and amazingly fantastical worlds found in any form of fiction.
However, it was not always this way. There was once a dark time in the era of our chosen medium, when full motion video and daytime television actors walked the surface of the gaming sphere. While that time may have passed and we no longer need to hire washed up Sci-Fi Syfy Channel actors to star in our games, we may still witness the last vestiges of that bygone epoch in the form of the mighty live-action trailer.
And so, over the next couple of weeks I invite you to explore that nostalgic shard of video game apocrypha. Some of these trailers are truly great! Some of them are truly terrible… And some of them are just, plain weird.
Best:
Golden Sun
I’ve never actually played Golden Sun before, but if it’s as awesome as this trailer, I probably should.
There’s something about old, innocuous-looking men acting like complete badasses that really appeals to me. Maybe it’s just that American trait of rooting for the underdog or maybe I’ve just watched far too many kung-fu films. Regardless, the level of badass-ery shown here combined with classic symphony, genuinely creepy monsters and a beautiful girl casting spells is one recipe for a great, live action trailer in my book.
Halo Reach: Deliver Hope
Now we’re talking! Last week’s lackluster Halo Reach trailer didn’t exactly set a high bar for Bungie’s last hoorah but this TV spot goes a long way towards making up for it.
What can I say that the trailer doesn’t already show? We’ve got aliens, cyborg super-soldiers, jet-packs, spaceships, sacrifice and things that go boom real nice. It’s pretty much all you could ever ask from a Halo feature film condensed into about a minute of footage. If you’re a fan of Halo, or even if you aren’t, it’s easy to appreciate this truly great bit of marketing.
Homefront
Say what you will about how the game actually turned out; no one can deny that Homefront had a truly biblical marketing campaign.
THQ spent millions slapping the Homefront brand onto everything from taco trucks to skyscrapers in an attempt to make their answer to Call of Duty a household name. Personally, however, I think that the best part of their PR blitz was this grisly trailer.
Sure, the game might not have encompassed the scenes of a dismally war-torn America depicted with as much finesse as this trailer, but at least it did well enough for THQ to green-light a sequel.
Worst:
Prey 2
Ugh, is there anything more boring (not to mention just plain lazy) than using the “found footage” technique in the trailer for your game?
This video depicts some nondescript douchebag drone on about how awesome it is to have a camera in 2011 until some blurry, even more nondescript monster shows up and mercifully ends his worthless existence. In other words, it’s every “found footage” film ever made.
On the bright side, Human Head did do us the favor of commission this far more exciting trailer for us shortly after the above snooze fest. And boy-howdy does the actually game look fantastic!
Timeshift
TimeShift was a game with a lot of potential and a lackluster execution that no one remembers. It also had a live action trailer with similar levels of potential and lackluster execution that even fewer people remember.
What exactly is going on here? The shoddy editing timey-wimey special effects that confuse more than amaze make it difficult to tell. Some hard-core scenery chewing from the actors playing our master criminals and a prosthetic suit that looks like someone cos-playing as The Guyver pretty much sum up the most interesting aspects of this commercial.
Xbox 360: Hollow Heads
I always found it interesting that Sony got such a bad rap for their early, bonkers Playstation 3 ads (see below) while almost no one ever discusses these absolutely terrifying (not to mention terrible) TV spots.
Who at Microsoft thought that a lobotomy from Ed Harris and the Borrowers living in someone’s skull would evoke the family friendly fun that they’re trying to force on us here?
For God’s sake, look at those eyes! Those cold, dead, empty eyes…
Weirdest:
Playstation 3: Crying Baby
Now, just because I blasted Microsoft’s One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest brand of unmitigated horror, don’t think that Sony gets a free pass.
Seriously, what the hell is this trailer even supposed to be telling me? And why is that doll in the time chamber from 2001: A Space Odyssey?
Honestly, this trailer did back in 2006 was give me nightmares and make me feel mighty terrified whenever it came on in the middle of the night. When I was alone. In the dark… All by myself! Quick, let’s look at something whimsical!
Spyro: Year of the Dragon
Ah, here we go. Something nice, whimsical and only mildly racist.
A large, fake city of presumably Japanese individuals is destroyed by an off-screen Spyro the Dragon while bystanders cry out Western colloquialisms. I get it; it’s a Godzilla parody. But who at the PR firm thought that a reference to 1960’s Japanese cinema was going to resonate with the kids of the day?
Burnout Crash
What the hell, Hasselhoff!?
As if the concept behind an isometric Burnout game wasn’t strange enough, we get this to go along with it. Regardless of how the actual game turns out, I will forever remember the time that I saw Michael Knight dress up as a chicken-based superhero and bomb an ice cream truck with his goddamn mind!
And there you have it! Another week down, another nine pieces of video game apocrypha thoroughly appreciated/harangued. Be sure to check back next Monday for the next batch and feel free to leave your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below.
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