How-Old.net has become a fun diversion these last couple of days as people upload images of themselves only to become upset at the 5-10 years that are added onto their age in the next page.
Y’all look older than you really are any ways. Get that order of wrinkle cream in.
There’s one group of folks that we’ve never really known the ages of, but can finally find out: video game characters.
We’ve chosen a few based on a highly scientific Twitter poll, and thrown them into the website to check the output. Unsurprisingly many didn’t make it through the “we didn’t find a face” filter, so we had to… uh… improvise with the sources. Case in point: the Super Mario Bros in the image above. We tried a few rendered images of Mario & Luigi, but nothing made it through. Then we remembered Captain Lou’s version and all was corrected.
Until we saw the ages that came back. Huh. I always thought Luigi was the younger brother.
I guess it’s not quite perfect yet. No worries. Let’s see how the rest of gaming did.
Ah, that looks about right. Mario & Luigi from the Super Mario Bros Movie actually seem to fit better.
How about the new (old) Nathan Drake?
Whoa. Time has not been good to Nate.
Let’s see how Hyrule is holding up.
Looking good, Link! And Zelda?
I think she’ll take that age happily.
How about Half-Life’s Gordon Freeman?
That seems about right for a guy who looks an awful lot like Edward Snowden.
Let’s look at a few RPG characters, shall we? How old is Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy lore?
What about Commander Shepard?
That’s a good 36, Shep! And your Dude counterpart?
About what I expected, actually. Let’s see how Lara Croft holds up over her latest incarnation:
23? The software seems to be on a pretty good roll with matching ages. That, and game developers are fairly good at capturing the ages of their characters in the designs.
Whoa. Maybe not?
Let’s turn our attention to a couple frenemies, shall we? Up first, Ganondorf, the Prince of Thieves.
A little older than I expected, but possible.
And Cloud’s mortal enemy, Sephiroth comes in at a respectable…
…29. Another series that was synonymous with Playstation for a while, Resident Evil, spawned (get it, spawned!) Albert Wesker. How’s he holding up over these years?
That’s a solid 55, Wesker.
And what about games that aren’t released yet? Can it tell us anything about them?
This is just a few of the ones we could get working. Feel free to run a few of your own favorite characters through the website and see what you get. Post them in the comments below and share your findings!
Special thanks to everyone who replied back to my tweet earlier asking for suggestions. APPRECIATED!