One of my favorite scenes in Gears of War 3 (and one that I think perfectly encapsulates the spirit of the game) involves the door of a Thrashball stadium that has been chained shut – an obstacle that prompts one Gear to ask another for wire cutters. A perfectly reasonable request in any other game ever made, but only because any other game doesn’t feature guns with chainsaws attached to them. Chainsaws that these same characters have used to cut through anything and everything from the beginning of the series up to and through another chain that had been securing a different door not ten minutes earlier. And then, of course, in that ridiculous, scripted moment’s hesitation, some enemies show up and a gunfight ensues. And that’s Gears of War 3 in a nutshell: silly, inconsistent writing interleaved with bouts of exploding bad guys. Fortunately, all that really matters in a game like Gears 3 is the exploding bad guys, an aspect that Epic has near perfected.
But first, let’s revisit that plot because, wow, is it stupid. Well … maybe the plot isn’t that dumb. For a game that needs only an excuse to shoot subterranean monsters with bad complexions right in the face, one could do a lot worse. I guess the issue is more in the way the story is told: through grunts, yells, and the occasional crocodile tear. You still have the staples of the completely forced Dom/Maria “tragedy” from Gears 2, the bromance between Marcus and Dom, and the cartoon character that is Augustus Cole. And all of these gems of subplots are joined by an absolutely awful periphery cast comprised of the vanilla (see, we can be diverse!) Anya/Jace/Sam, in her sixties, (but also seemingly 25 years old) dreadlocked Bernie, and the nails-on-a-chalkboard good ol’ boy Dizzy. And then there are the two key scenes: one involving a sacrifice, the other a reunion, which I imagine were supposed to be taken seriously, but end up serving as comic relief in the context of the rest of the game (An issue that is not at all remedied by using Gary Jules’ Mad World. Again.). You do explosions pretty well, Epic. Maybe you should stick with that. Thankfully, I think Epic realizes this fact, and uses every opportunity it can find to interrupt the plot progression with violence.
Outside of the plot, everything in the third chapter of the war between Gears and Locust (and now, Lambent, as well) is better than what has come before. I could write an entire article on the technical improvements alone; faster movement, more responsive button prompts, better teammate AI, an indispensable waypoint/objective HUD overlay (even if nine times out of ten, the objective is “Obtain Fuel”), and an exhaustive, yet simple to navigate stats/achievements/trophies/medals/whatever tracking database make Gears 3 one of the least frustrating experiences I’ve ever had. This may sound like a back handed compliment, but it’s rare that a game doesn’t cause me to pull my hair out at one point or another due to some poor design choice.
And then there are the visuals. Oh, the visuals. Gears 3 is nothing if not pretty to look at. Character models look mostly the same: chunky bulldog-people sporting the douche-iest facial hair, clad in football uniform armor and piloting helicopters and tanks inspired by Mega Bloks. The extreme detail with which these abominations have been crafted, however, is something to behold. Environments as well are nothing short of amazing. Sure, you still have your cut stone ruins and dilapidated buildings, but there are also sunny beaches, moon-lit fortresses, windswept deserts, and vibrant sea floors (seriously). And then there’s the most notable improvement of them all: the inclusion of a color palette beyond the traditional gray, brown, and red. Did you know that the planet Sera actually has blue water? And green trees? Even scenes that take place at night or during rain storms are exponentially more vivid than anything shown in Gears 1 or 2. And even more impressive is that all imagery is presented with nary a hiccup to be found – no small feat, especially when you consider the fact that Gears 3 is running on the Unreal engine.
Multiplayer has been given a facelift as well. Horde mode now includes a tower defense-esque aspect, where each successful kill earns you and your team money which can be used to purchase better weapons or defense installations. The all new Beast Mode puts you in the role of one of a variety of different Locust (Beserkers and Corpsers among them[!]) and tasks you with murdering all of the cowering Stranded and better equipped COG soldiers littering the map before the timer runs out. It’s very much in the same wheelhouse as Left 4 Dead‘s versus mode and equally as satisfying. Then there’s the cooperative campaign which has had its player limit raised from 2 to 4 (a very useful addition, especially when attempting to conquer the campaign on the higher difficulty settings).
I’d liken Gears of War 3 to experiencing a theme park ride when you’re six years old: one of those rides where you’re packed into a tram that probably hasn’t passed safety inspections in a number of years, but somehow hasn’t been shut down, where, even though your parents assure you that it’s just a ride, you’re positive that that animatronic shark/dinosaur/gorilla is going to bust loose from the bolts securing it in place and just rip your arm right off. It’s like that, except you’ve also got a chainsaw gun.
Like I mentioned earlier, Gears of War 3 is dumb. Like, really dumb. But, then again, who wants a smug, know-it-all ruining the fun of their ridiculously violent theme park ride? Not this guy.
This review is based on a retail copy of the game purchased by SideQuesting.com. The single player campaign was played to its completion over approximately 13 hours, with all other gameplay modes (horde, beast, versus, and co-op) having been attempted at least once. Images courtesy of Epic Games.
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